It really has been too long since I last posted. Could it be that life, once again, has taken over? Actually, it's been a case of the brain dead teenager, and the brain dead parent. These past few months have been an endless struggle to figure out a 14 year old who is trying to figure herself out. If you are or have been in the past, a parent of a teenager, you know exactly what I am talking about. It is amazing to me the amount of mental energy one child can demand...add four on top of that, and you get two brain dead, exahusted parents! Our journey has been interesting, to say the least. Along this journey of day to day parenthood, I keep thinking I am hearing my mother talking, as though she is in the same room. Then I realized, that's me! OMGsh, I sound JUST LIKE my mother! I vowed to myself long ago, before I ever thought I would be a mother that I would never sound like my mother. Well, here I am, God help me.
My husband and I are raising a blended family of kids two are teenagers, three are single digit ages. I'd like to believe we communicate quite well, not that we can't improve, but we do a pretty darn good job. This whole raising a teenager thing has thrown us a for a bit of a loop. I walked into my step-daughter's life two years ago next week. I walked into a role, that I never expected to be so challenging, frustrating, tearful, and rewarding all at the same time. It's funny, because I have always worked with teenagers in my professional life, but I always got to send those hormonal, seemingly self-centered, 'entitled' teenagers home. Don't get me wrong, good kids, different times. I tried to send this one home and when I asked her why she was still standing in my classroom doorway, her response was, "Uhhhh...you're my ride home." SMACK! Reality ran me over with the force of a freight train.
Figuring her out, the best we can is getting better, but we are definitely living one day at a time. My husband and I have decided to give her more freedom to make choices that will define who she is. Not an easy thing to do, friend. But the difference that our household has experienced in the last two weeks has been night and day! My step-daughter's step is lighter, smile is brighter, and willingness to participate in family events or help around the house is greater. We have empowered my step-daughter, we are less frustrated. It has been a struggle to identify with my step-daughter, who has been raised by her dad, lacked a solid female role-model, and is rough and tumble. In an effort to build a relationship and tear down another wall, I have decided to take her out once a month to try a new, agreed-upon, activity together. We are taking turns choosing the activity each month. I'm excited to see the outcome and how our relationship develops. Doesn't mean I'll like the activity, or that she will, but we are at least opening the the window that allows each other to peer inside our personalities. Watch for future posts on these adventures!
Have you ever been in that situation where you are about to embark on an unknown journey and you receive warnings as you are about to take off, "This won't be easy." All the while, never having any real idea of what "won't be easy" means? Then, you take off, speeding full force ahead. I didn't know what to expect when I married my husband, and became smom to two teenagers. I have learned so much about who I am as a parent and that God has entrusted a HUGE job to me: to be an active mom in the life of my 14 year old step-daughter.
To those of you whom have embarked on this same journey or are about to, the road will be bumpy, there will be tears, but I promise you, in the end, you will be far more blessed than you could ever even imagine!
For my readers who are Stepmoms, follow the link to an community of stepmoms. These stepmoms are often affectionately referred to as Smom (Smum). Heather has a great story, I encourage you to read it, and join the community of Smoms! http://www.cafesmom.com/
Be Yourself, Be Extraordinary, Dream Big....
- Stacey
My blessings on the day our family became one....
For my readers who are Stepmoms, follow the link to an community of stepmoms. These stepmoms are often affectionately referred to as Smom (Smum). Heather has a great story, I encourage you to read it, and join the community of Smoms! http://www.cafesmom.com/
Be Yourself, Be Extraordinary, Dream Big....
- Stacey
My blessings on the day our family became one....
Beautiful family! Coming from a blended family growing up, I can't tell you how important it is that you are establishing that relationship with your step-daughter - so invaluable!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog here too - I am now following you!
I never knew about these blogs until today. Let me tell you first off, I have read all of them, and they are amazing! With that said, let me go on with my comment for the most recent blog.
ReplyDeleteI too have a blended family with 1 stepson that I have raised since he was 2, now 13. I often find myself wondering if all the hassle/trouble that comes with a teenager is worth it anymore. I then realize puberty only takes a few years, although tiring and agonizing at times.
My oldest son will be 13 in August, and at times I wonder if I will make it out alive when I have 2 hormonal teenage boys to deal with. At least I will have a year or two of a break before my youngest goes thru the changes, and by then I will be more tolerable as I will have the experience from the other two, at least I hope.
With my stepson, maybe if my husband and I allow him more freedom and say over his life he wont be as hateful as he has been, and will become more respectful towards us and other adults.
Its good to hear you and Ashlynne are starting to have a good and meaningful relationship. I too hope to have this bond with my stepson that we have had for years but seems to have been lost with his new profound hatefullness. I guess we all will struggle through this and find our ways to deal. I myself find your writings very empowering, and feel as though I can learn something new from you.
Take care of yourself and the family..I hope to come for a visit this summer. That is a BEAUTIFUL pic of you guys!!